Ghosts
by Aimsaru
Summary: The sound of a door banging loudly against a wooden cabinet. Of glass shattering against tiled floor. A woman's voice crying out and her dark fingers shaking as they reached for the anchor of their lover's arms, catching on his coat only to be flung aside. Ghosts and grief were her only companions this morning. Drama/Angst/Cheating


A/N: Phew! This is done! Now to write the next chapter of Political.

Inspired by Fiona Apple's "Oh, Sailor".

* * *

_O' Sailor, why'd you do it_

_What'd you do that for_

_Saying there's nothing to it_

_And then letting it go by the boards_

.

.

.

She didn't want to face the light of day, it wasn't fair for everything to still keep on going, for the earth to spin on its axis and revolve around the sun as always. Steadfast and loyal to the end, unlike her, unlike Korra.

Her throat was raw from screaming and she could feel that her eyes were still swollen and red. The pillow beneath her head was salt stained a speckled with tears. She pressed her face into the cloth, mouth open in a soundless cry as it had been the night before.

She felt a tingle at her shoulder blade, a phantom kiss, soft as butterfly wings against her flesh. The feel of his lips still there like every morning previous. Except he wasn't there at all, not anymore, and this was just a painful imagining caused by the warm, smooth sheets that were brushing against her skin.

"_Korra…"_

There were ghosts in her room this morning, taunting her and crushing her down until she was little more than the space between the atoms of her being. She was curled up, like a child still cocooned in its mother's womb. A makeshift uterus of down feathers wrapped around her as she hunched into herself, tucking her chin into her neck as she rolled to face the door.

It was open to the hall, and just beyond, in the gloomy morning light (grey from storm clouds crackling with energy outside) she could see the kitchen.

There were ghosts there too.

In the space where the world as she had known it for the last few years had been rendered in two. The floor splitting and the tectonic plates shifting until a gulf was formed between them, filled with their agony until they had no choice but to step away from the edges and walk away from each other, or stay and be drowned.

She clenched her eyes shut tightly, and in the blackness of her mind there was sound crashing it into color. _Memories. Ghosts._

The sound of a door banging loudly against a wooden cabinet. Of glass shattering against tiled floor. A woman's voice crying out and her dark fingers shaking as they reached for the anchor of their lover's arms, catching on his coat only to be flung aside. Ghosts and grief were her only companions this morning.

He wasn't there beside her, hot breath whispering her name as he kissed her shoulder, rousing her for the day. Not today. Maybe not ever again.

"_Is there someone else?!"_ it echoed down the hall and around the caverns of her mind. A tear slipped down her cheek, joining its brothers on the pillow case. She wasn't completely dry of tears. There is still salt there yet, and water to help it travel.

But Korra, everything that she had built for herself. The life and the love. The memories and the moments. Korra had been eroded away, by words, desires, and misdoings. By guilt.

A wet sob hiccupped in her throat as she keened, forcing herself to sit up only to curl her arms around her legs, her face pressed to her knees.

There were ghosts of another man here too; she carried him around with her, possessed. His was a specter that had burrowed itself under her skin and burned their sin into her flesh.

.

_She was assaulted by body-memories of movements and undulations, warmth against warmth. Seared into her being. "Oh gods, Korra," his breath against her neck, hot and seductive as he filled her. Lips and tongue slipping over the delicate velvet of her throat, kissing at her pulse point as he moved against her, around her, in her. "Iroh!"_

_"Oh!" the feeling of her muscles fluttering around him as she came, the way he slammed into her heat seeking his own release and then the strong arms wrapping around her as if he couldn't even think of ever letting her go. Kisses peppered over her brow and down to her shoulders, her breasts. A nipple, pink and sensitive sucked between full pouted lips and nipped by sharp white teeth. Stoking the fires inside of her back into a feverish pitch. Her back bowing back as he hardened again inside of her, taking her once more and making it last._

_"Iroh!"_

.

_"Is there someone else?!" _came rushing at her from down the hall once more. A barrage of words hitting her harder than any physical blow was capable of.

_"No, Mako. I swear. Please!"_

_"Please? Korra, tell me what is going on, you owe me that much."_

_"I'm so sorry. It wasn't supposed to-"_

_"Did you cheat on me?"_

_There was a flash of blank, wet eyes staring into angry amber brown._

_"I didn't mean to. It just happened." Her body was shaking as she reached out her hands, gripping the front of his jacket imploringly. Every line of her body begging for his forgiveness._

_She flinched at the shatter on glass on tile as he threw his cup to the floor. "What the hell, Korra?!"_

_"It didn't mean anything, please, Mako!" his name ended in a hiss as his fingers wound around her wrist and held tight, the bones pressing against each other painfully._

She rubbed at the bruises circling her wrist, where he had grabbed her roughly. His anger taking him over in the heat of their exchange.

_"You're hurting me!" His eyes widened for a second before falling closed, his brows knit together in misery._

_He smacked her hands aside and then there was the sound of wood clattering against wood as a fist punched into the cabinet door._

"_Was it worth it?"_

_She shook her head, her hands pulled into her chest as her body wracked with sobs. She heard his scoff and did her best to blink away her tears, to focus on the man in front of her. What she saw in his expression caused a rift to open up in her chest, a deep pang of despair. She didn't want to hear the words, her hands were coming up to tug at her hair in grief, to cover her ears in denial. _

_"We're done. It's over, Korra."_

_"No! Mako!"_

_Her desperate pleas went ignored, shuttered behind a door slamming with finality against its frame._

.

_"Iroh, Ah!"_

_She bucked against him as his fingers found her, rubbing over sensitive flesh and making her shake with desire. "Beg me, Korra."_

"_Please."_

"_Please what?"_

"_Take me." And then he was, pressing into her until she could take no more. Lifting her feet over his shoulders and laving open mouthed kissed at the inside of her ankles. Strong hands traveling the length of her legs and smoothing over her thighs before gripping them tightly. Pulling her body so that she would meet his thrusts._

_"You feel so good."_

_._

It wasn't worth it.

It wasn't worth this pain and these ghosts. Agony and Guilt.

Everything lost for a few short weeks with a man who couldn't stay by her side. A General and sailor who had made a paramour of the Avatar during a shared journey to the Earth Kingdom. Was she really so weak as to fall into bed with someone as soon as she was away from her boyfriend for an extended amount of time? How was it possible for her feelings to waver so much that she would be willing to commit such a betrayal? Was she vulnerable and did he take advantage? Or was she truly that depraved. That cruel? Mako didn't deserve this and she…didn't deserve Mako.

Korra slipped from the bed, sliding to the floor and resting against the cool wood panels. Wishing that she could wash it all away, go back in time, change it.

"_Iroh!"_

She hated herself.

_"We're done. It's over, Korra."_

It wasn't worth this pain.

.

.

.

_I'm undecided about you again_

_Mightn't be right that you're not here_

_It's double-sided, cause I ruined it all_

_- But also saved myself, by never believing you, Dear_

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.

.

Days passed into weeks and months, summer fading to fall. Life was moving on its own, forcing her to match its pace or be left at the wayside. She chose to match it, throwing herself into her work with the police force and the council. She even found time to take some cooking classes with Jinora in the city.

The dullness that had affected her in the early days after the break had begun to subside. The darkness and the ghosts only encroaching on her late at night, when she was alone.

Mako's echoes in the apartment had all but disappeared now. It had taken her a while but she had finally gone through the apartment, throwing away the toothbrush that he had left behind and only momentarily fingering the bristles before dropping it into the trash bag with a dull 'thunk.'

His shaving cream and razor were next. That had been the first day that she had been able to admit to herself that it was over. She had only gone through the bathroom that day.

The next it was the bedroom, she folded the shirts he had left behind and shoved them into the corner of a cardboard box, giving in, briefly to the desire to press her nose into the cotton of a tee-shirt and try to breath him in. It didn't smell like him at all, only laundry detergent and the mustiness of the wooden drawer.

It was funny, all of the little things that accumulated when you decided to live together.

Next was the kitchen, his favorite mug with the fire ferrets logo emblazoned on it finding its way into the box. In the hall closet it was an extra jacket and an umbrella. In the living room there was a throw blanket and a few picture frames. She boxed them all together and taped the lid shut. The final end of their life together happened a few days later when she delivered the box to Bolin's work. It was an awkward exchange but, in the end her friend and ex-boyfriend's brother had given her a warm hug and offered his forgiveness. _"For whatever it's worth…"_

There were hard days to come, days when she wanted to call him just to hear his voice; Or days when the need to see his face was so strong that she couldn't bear to be away from him any longer. She held out, recognizing her desperation for what it was and knowing that no good could come of them speaking right now when so much pain still lay between them. Understanding that what she had done was unforgivable and that only time would tell if they could salvage any type of relationship at all.

It was during these times that the dreams began. Her other ghost pushing to the forefront of her mind and lingering there, haunting her.

.

_She was standing on the outskirts of the town that she grew up in, staring out at a black sky dotted with stars so bright and sparkling that they looked like crystals hanging just out of reach. As if you could touch them and fly among them if only you could just jump high enough._

_Her feet were heavy and the snow shoes were awkward to move with as the fallen snowflakes crunched under foot. The warmth of her breath puffed in the cold air and her cheeks stung from the chill. Home loomed in the distance, warm yellow light spilling enticingly from the open door._

_It was odd for them to leave it gaping open like that at night. Not even a thick tigerseal pelt hung over the frame to keep the warmth in. Without realizing how she arrived there, she found herself standing in the doorway, as if transported._

_"Mom? Dad?" her voice echoed around her, carried off with the howling wind._

_She took a tentative step inside and there was the humming sound of electricity and the zap of a large lamp coming to life. White light surrounded her vision as her feet clunked against the metal floor of the ship. Her snowshoes replaced by her leather travel boots._

_The Warrant Officer's Dining room was lively that night. A routine transport journey meant that the men and women on board were more relaxed than usual. There was a phonograph playing energetic jazz notes in the corner and loud conversations mingling together into a joyous cacophony of sound. Laughter and flirtation fueled by drink._

_She was in a chair now, surrounded by ardent officers, a tall glass of dark liquid being waved under her nose._

_"Just drink it, it won't hurt a bit. You're the Avatar aren't you? You can handle it," there was a round of raucous laughter, following the teasing challenge and Korra already regretted not taking dinner in her quarters. It wouldn't do to do something rash in her first few days at sea with these people._

_"I don't know, guys. I'm not really that thirsty."_

_"Being thirsty isn't the point! Plus, we're celebrating! Kiribushi here hasn't been home to the Ba Sing Se in three years!" he pointed out. "Come on, just one drink," he waved the drink under her nose again and Korra reached up, her fingers just touching the cold, sweating glass when it was suddenly taken out of her reach and slammed to the table. White froth slipping over the rim and splattering on the table._

_"Don't play games, Teru."_

_Teru's eyes widened at the warning tone of his superior officer, his face blushing brightly from too much alcohol and the heat of embarrassment. "Y-Yes Sir."_

_Iroh smiled at him congenially and patted him on the shoulder firmly, as if to say, 'Good boy. Now go sleep it off.' and then turned his smile to Korra._

_"Avatar Korra, would you join me for a walk?" he asked and Korra beamed with gratefulness and relief. These guys were a bit much._

_Iroh's right hand was held out to her, palm up as he bowed slightly at his waist, his other arm tucked tightly into his side. Somehow, meeting his expression, she suddenly felt shy. Time seemed to slow down around her, sound fading into white noise as she reached out, her hand fitting perfectly into his._

_His skin was warm and dry and when his fingers wound around hers there was a sudden jolt of electricity, zipping up her arm and shooting over her shoulder, long tendrils of current bursting under her breast and making her heart skip a beat. _

_"Of course," she replied simply and then the room returned to normal. She stood from her seat, allowing him to pull out her chair before he reached for her hand again, tucking it into the crook of his arm. He matched his stride to hers as they moved, one step-two steps-_

_White light flooded in and then drifted back out like a cloud._

_She was in the sitting area of his office, just outside of his personal quarters. She liked it here, surrounded by books and funny seafaring artifacts. There were maps framed and hung along the walls and a swinging lantern overhead that moved with the rioting waves under the ship. _

_He had made her tea as usual and they were currently engrossed in their third Pai Sho match of the night. Somehow she had come to like his company, he was quiet and reserved but was quick to laugh and surprisingly philosophical. He was soothing...like the jasmine tea that he liked to make, but he had a competitive streak as well. He hated to lose almost as much as she did._

_They were entering the second week of their 24 day journey to Ba Sing Se in the Earth Kingdom and she was getting to know him well. Being out at sea with little to occupy you could do that._

_There was already a hard earned stack of Iroh's game pieces placed at the board's edge, where she lifted them one by one, letting the circular tiles fall and clink together. She wondered if she could taunt him enough to make his eye twitch again._

_She grinned at him cheekily, expecting to see his annoyance but what she saw instead made her freeze. He was looking at her with that expression again. It was wistful and exposed. There was gentleness at the corners of his eyes and a sparkling in their depths, his lips were upturned just slightly and his posture was that of a man completely at ease. _

_Korra looked away quickly, her eyes darting around the room before being drawn back to his face. His smile had grown slightly as if he found her reaction to him endearing, as if he could hear how fast her heart was racing._

_She needed to get out of here, that expression was dangerous. She was gathering her things, preparing her apologies when she felt the cushion shift beside her. His fingers were in her hair, circling behind her ears and pressing lightly, lifting her face until she had no choice but to meet his gaze._

_He was looking at her intensely, that same naked expression in place. She was entranced and fearful all at once, ready to bolt but unable to move. Her heart was beating loudly in her ears and heat was racing under her skin._

"_Ir—"_

_His face was moving steadily closer and she could feel her eyes widen comically as his breath fanned over her face. His lips were so close that she could feel their warmth, tingling against her own but not yet touching. _

_"Korra...," he murmured her name, soft lips tickling over her own. _

_._

Blue eyes blinked to wakefulness and she stared at the white paint of her ceiling. She dreamed of him again. Even when the dream began as something else, somehow it still changed to focus on those days at sea. Only her own mind would be so cruel as to harass and mock her in this way. To remind her of her mistakes. To remind her of how he felt, how he could make her body tingle all over with just a look. It wasn't fair.

She trudged out of bed, dragging herself to the kitchen to grab something to eat. She drank milk from the bottle as she poached an egg in a bit of butter on the stove. Her head was still fuzzy with sleep so she excused the direction of her thoughts as her mind wandered to swinging lights and metal walls. To where her dream left off and the days afterward.

_He had finally tracked her down, cornering her in her room and looming over her imposingly. She crossed her arms, puffing her chest and trying to appear much larger than her 5'2" frame allowed, "You kissed me, Iroh. That's crossing the line."_

_He stared down his nose at her, one hand braced on the wall behind her as he took over her space. His energy was commanding and assertive as one would expect from a cocky young General, but it was the vulnerability behind his eyes that threw her. Aggression she could meet with aggression, brashness could be returned ten-fold but this…_

_"I won't apologize for wanting you. But I will apologize if my advances have made you uncomfortable."_

_"I..."_

_His hand slid over her neck, sending shivers rocketing down her spine as his thumb brushed over the line of her jaw, "Does it make you uncomfortable, Korra?"_

_"Yes," her voice came out in a breathy exhale, trying to remain vigilant even while her face leaned into his touch, against her will. He was infuriating. Alluring and beguiling._

_"I'm sorry," he whispered and then she was wrapped up in his arms and his lips were on hers, pressing there urgently. Electric shocks jumping between their skin and an electromagnetic fog charging in the air, released and expressed with heaving breath and wet moans. _

There were other things later, like the way he liked to brush against her when they would pass beside each other on deck. A secretive touch shared between them, unassuming and innocent. Born of the need to touch each other, the desperation that had begun to take over when they were apart even for those few hours a day when his duty to the crew had to take precedence to his desire to trap her to his bed and wrap her in his arms. Out on the ocean with no land for miles it was easy to feel like you were in a different world. Twenty four days felt like a lifetime of summers.

But the fall always had to come eventually.

.

_._

Their last farewell was a short and clipped exchange of words. Somehow, the memory of that moment made her heart ache, even now.

"_Korra, I won't be joining you for the return journey," there was no feeling behind the words just a dispassionate indifference._

" _What?" She had known that this would be a brief affair but the aloof, cold reaction was a surprise._

"_I'm truly sorry but it can't be helped. I am sure that you will be well taken care of and I…"_

"_General Iroh, sir." A young man in full uniform approached, his heels clicking loudly against the marble floor of the hotel._

_Iroh acknowledged his subordinate and nodded apologetically to Korra, "Excuse me."_

_She had waited, for hours, for him to return and explain but when she was awoken at her hotel room the next morning and was hurried onto a different ship she knew that, that was it. _

_That was how they said their goodbyes. And really, it was better that way. Better that she didn't have to face the dangerous feelings that had taken root in her heart. _

_She was young but she wasn't naïve. Their time together had been just a blip on his radar, a time when their paths crossed by chance. Two people from two different worlds. Now it was time to return to the life that she had so carelessly forgotten during the time that she had shared with him._

_The crushing weight of her guilt began to press on her then, pound upon pound being layered on with each mile as she came closer and closer to home. To Mako. To a simple and already planned out future that she wasn't sure she even wanted anymore. But that she was afraid to turn away from. _

_Though she didn't know it then, these thoughts were the nails to the coffin of her relationship with Mako -and her interactions with him during the two months that they remained together, after her return , were the hammering that led to the final end. He had immediately noticed the change in her, even if she didn't recognize Iroh's lasting impression, Mako noticed it immediately. Her guilt affecting their every little touch or snippet of shared conversation. She was different when she returned._

_._

_._

She stared out at the glittering waters of the bay, blue eyes tracing the dock and shipyard before lighting upon the open ocean in the distance. It had become a habit lately, gazing out toward the waters expectantly. Breathing in more deeply than usual when a salt water breeze carried in to the city.

"You must miss traveling."

"Hm?" she intoned, shaken from her reverie.

"You're always looking out at the sea with this far away expression on your face. If it were any of the other recruits I'd have them fired on the spot."

"Does that make me special?"

"Don't push your luck."

"Yes, chief," she must've sounded forlorn because Lin's face softened slightly, her hand falling to Korra's shoulder comfortingly.

"Hey, kiddo. You ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it's nothing. I promise," she replied unconvincingly.

Lin nodded, accepting that Korra wasn't willing to talk about it, "In that case, stop daydreaming and get back to work."

.

.

They say that the best way to deal with your fears is to face them head on. Korra liked to live by that kind of thinking. Bravery and courage. She had known that this moment would arrive eventually, It was just that she didn't expect for it to happen right now. The worst of her wounds had begun to heal but there was still a crusted scar over her heart, one that could easily be picked away and left to bleed once more if their reunion went badly.

The day hadn't been particularly special, morning tea was taken as usual. The daily paperwork was handled and handed in on time. There was a meeting with the Task force and special unit on a current investigation. Nothing out of the ordinary. Even running into Tenzin at City hall wasn't unusual, nor was his invitation to dinner at the Air Temple. She often joined them for dinner, at least three times a month.

It might have been better that she was totally unprepared. It took away the option to avoid it or run away.

It had been nearly a year since she last saw him.

He looked the same. Tall and lean, there was a confident tilt to the way he walked and a strange sort of casual grace to his hands, even now when one was wiping sweat from his brow and the other was braced on his hip. She had just stepped off of the ferry when she noticed him, freezing in place and waiting for him to turn in her direction.

It didn't take long; he lifted a box into his arms and was carrying it to the waiting boat when he saw her. The world stopped spinning for an instant and she could see the way his amber eyes widened in shock before filling with pain. It was a less violent visceral reaction than she had expected, a lot more calm than she felt that she deserved for their first meeting after so long.

It was strange to not know what to say to a person who you once spoke to everyday. A flood of thoughts was rushing through her mind and she was only able to wrap her mind around one word as he came closer, his gaze directed at the ground.

"Hi."

His head shot up at the one-syllable greeting and the tense line of his shoulders visibly relaxed. "Hi."

Afterwards, she couldn't remember much of their short conversation. Only the way he placed the box on the ground and how she couldn't seem to relax. The way she wrung her hands, tracing the spaces between her fingers until they were raw and red. In the end it was only the initial greeting and the end that she could remember and not the empty answers to empty questions like _'How have you been?'_

It went better than expected although a more friendly and fulfilling exchange was still a long way off. She knew that it was only due to their shared history that this simple conversation was even possible at all. In the end only this much was sorted between them.

"I wondered for a long time, if I had gone with you…would things have turned out differently?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly. His presence may not have made any difference at all.

"Do-Did you love him?"

"I…" _I don't know. Maybe. Was it possible to fall in love with someone so quickly? Even when you were in a relationship with someone else? _She didn't know how to answer.

He waved her off, "Never mind. You don't have to answer that…," he paused for a moment, "I've started seeing someone."

It was said casually, though Korra could read the message behind the words. He was moving on. The end of their relationship hadn't destroyed him; he was still going strong and living a full life, without her.

"Good. That's really good," she said more enthusiastically than she felt, "I hope that she makes you happy, Mako. You deserve to be happy."

Suddenly it was too much, this awkward meeting after so long. The civil exchange of words. He was moving on, that was good. She was happy for him, but it made her feel lost, too. Not because of Mako but because there was something else now that had her trapped in the past. Held in an agonizing cycle, in limbo, unable to go back or move forward. Guilt settled heavily in her stomach.

She could feel the tears on her cheeks before she realized that she was crying. She flicked them away with quick fingers only to have new droplets slide from her eyes in their place.

Mako's face seemed to fall open at the sight of her tears. A sorrowful glint entering those pools of amber that she knew so well. It was startling to realize that she wasn't the only one who felt regret about the way things had ended between them. She wasn't the only one dealing with guilt, even if the reason for that feeling was completely different.

"So do you, Korra," he responded plainly. As if it were the most obvious thing in the world. As if he really believed that she deserved it, after everything that had happened.

"Hey, Bro! You ready to head bac—Oh, sorry. I didn't know that you two were…" Bolin said, abashed. There were two boxes held between his arms as he sidled up to the dock.

"No problem, Bo. We were just catching up."

Bolin looked between the former lovers with concern, as if checking to see if they had come to blows. Perhaps, long ago, when they were still teenagers and all of their feelings were so close to the surface they would have. But that was worlds away from the people they had become.

The younger man gave Korra a quick hug after asserting that things seemed to be peaceful.

"It's good to see you, Kor."

"You too, what's with the boxes?"

"Oh, ah...We've set up a soup kitchen at the arena for the holidays. You should come help out. I mean, if you have the time."

She agreed with a smile, saying that she would check her schedule and already knowing that she had no real intention of showing up.

Another meeting with Mako right now would be far too soon.

She walked away as they boarded the ferry, not looking back as she made her way to the temple steps.

.

.

.

_And what a thing, to know what could be instead_

_Oh, what a blessed curse; to see_

_It took the agenda from its place in my bed_

_Made a merry paramour of me_

_._

_.  
_

It was gaudy and embarrassing, the new statue erected outside city hall. A marble "likeness" of Avatar Korra. It had only just been unveiled and she already hated it. She felt small next it, in stature but also as a person. She could never live up to this ideal, chin held high and eyes pointed out to the bay, unafraid of anything. Endlessly brave, and strong, and just; Immovable and impenetrable rock.

It was just a reminder of how much there was left to do. She had hoped that if they ever decided to do something like this that she would be long gone, or at least have more accomplishments under her belt. But, she understood that the statue wasn't truly for her. It was a symbol for the people, something to look towards. An idol of hope for the future. She hoped that she didn't screw it up.

"Are you ready? They're about to start," Asami said at her side, squeezing her arm encouragingly.

"Yeah, let's get this over with."

All of the important people of the city were in attendance outside City hall for the statues unveiling. The press was out in full force, snapping photographs of politicians, aristocrats, radio hosts, and actors. All of team avatar was there as well. Even Mako had shown up, although they hadn't spoken since their surprise meeting at Air Temple Island.

She glanced at him as she made her way through the throng of people towards the podium at the front. He was with his girlfriend tonight, Korra noticed. It was her first time seeing her in person, but she recognized her round face and dimpled cheeks from the newspaper coverage of the Arena's soup kitchen during the holidays a few months ago.

Korra stood to the side as the opening speeches were made. Thank yous to the city and the Avatar, discussions of how the statue came to be and the people who had carefully carved it. Bolin, Asami, and Mako were standing near the front and she smiled at them quietly, her gaze landing on the petite woman at her ex-boyfriend's side.

She suited him. She was young but looked to have a good head on her shoulders and the way she looked at him left no doubt in anyone's mind about the depth of her feelings. Korra hoped that they were happy. There was a time when Korra would have been looking up at him with that same loving expression, but a year after things had ended between them, she no longer lingered on thoughts of what could have been. Because with time came the understanding that they couldn't possibly have lasted in the end. And not just because of her misdoings.

Mako always wanted to settle down young, to have the second shot at a family he'd always wanted. And he'd be an amazing dad. But, for Korra, her desires were different. She first and foremost wanted to be a good Avatar. It was her gift and her burden, a responsibility that only she could bear. If she settled down right now, she wouldn't be able to be the mother that she would like to be in the future. It wouldn't be fair to herself or to her hypothetical child. And honestly, when she thought of it that way, she wasn't sure that she would ever have kids at all. Maybe she'd end up alone. An old spinster with a Polar Bear Dog.

"…And so it is the wish of all of Republic City that with the addition of this fine statue that our era of peace and positive change, inspired by the Avatar's hard work will…"

The speaker waved his hand to Korra's marble copy and she followed its movement, looking up at the stony visage that would forever stare towards the bay. Staring at Avatar Aang's memorial island and watching over the ships coming and going from the port.

_Watching and waiting. _

Her thoughts disgusted her and when it was her turn to speak she fumbled over her words until they overlapped into a rushed half-thank you, half-promise to always protect the City and its people. The home that she would always return to. In the end her speech was salvaged, but just barely, and with exhaustion weighing heavily on her body and frazzled nerves she excused herself from the remainder of the celebration. She knew that Tenzin would make the appropriate excuses for her disappearance to the bureaucratic charlatans still wanting to greet her with oily words and snakish intent.

She tucked herself away at her apartment, wrapping herself into her favorite blanket and letting her body sink heavily into the bedding. It was too much sometimes, living up to expectations and suffering in silence. When she was younger, team Avatar was there to support her and share her burdens but with adulthood came other responsibilities and interests. A natural sort of separation happened over time until Korra was left to deal with it alone. Mako would have stayed of course, but she had managed to end that. She had spent the greater part of the last year alone and while she had friends like Asami and Tenzin's family to fall back on, she still felt lonely.

She missed intimacy. Being able to share little thoughts that were had during the day and not have the person you're sharing them with look at you like a loony. Inside jokes and finishing each other's sentences, knowing a person well enough to sense their mood. Playing board games and drinking tea. Enjoying the presence of another person, even without any interaction at all. Kisses and touches and skin against skin. Helping to shave away a stubborn five o'clock shadow while a ship swayed underfoot.

She gasped, hunching down into herself until she was pressed into a tight ball. Her skin burned under the blanket and she knew what was waiting, the ghost under her skin making her itch and writhe with remembrance. Pulling at her and making her wonder…

He had been a mistake. A temporary, misguided collapse of her resolve due to weakness. It wasn't fair that she was still thinking about him after all of this time. She didn't believe in fairy tale ideas like love at first or even second sight. What they had wasn't anything more than two young people affected by strong attraction and lust. That was it, and when it was over she went home alone. It was a mistake.

But when she remembered the way he played with her hair when her head was on his chest or the way he said her name, as if there were things behind those two syllables that he wanted to say but couldn't…

It made it hard to let those moments go. Even if it had been misguided and naïve of her. Even if she had been hurt and then hurt someone else. There was never going to be a future there, it was never going to be more than a few weeks. Not when she was the Avatar and he was the General of the United Forces.

She sighed, _A spinster and her Polar Bear Dog, hmm?_ It didn't sound so bad really. She stared at the ceiling for long minutes, willing sleep to come and then gave it up for a lost cause when there was a knock at the door.

"Kor?" Jinora's voice floated through the door and Korra pulled herself out of bed.

"Coming," she called, throwing a house coat over her shoulders and walking towards the door. Jinora had probably come to talk about the end of the party, she thought. The younger woman would sometimes stop over for tea and conversation and although she often came to Korra for advice, somehow it seemed that _she_ always ended up being the one who needed Jinora's wisdom instead.

There was another slightly frantic knock at the door and Korra laughed aloud, "I said I was coming!" she giggled as she flung open the door.

Her laughter was cut off abruptly and it felt as though all of the air had been sucked from her lungs.

_Iroh._

He was standing on her doorstep in full uniform, his dark eyes locked on hers and searching.

"Ir-," she managed to breathe, her heart was beating erratically."You're-?"

_You're here?_

Over his shoulder she could just barely make out Jinora's form, still in formal dress as the teenager waved at her excitedly before turning down the far hallway.

The man in front of her cleared his throat awkwardly, and Korra clenched her jaw so that she wouldn't gape like a fish at the very man that she had just been thinking of. She hoped that she looked haughty and intimidating but she was almost certain that she could only pull off panicked. Grace and beauty were a definitely lost cause, she was painfully aware of the fact that she was wearing a floral patterned sleep dress and matching house coat and that her hair was a mess of recently unpinned curls.

She tried in vain to tame them with restless fingers_. _The intense heat of his gaze made her flush, embarrassment lending itself to anger until her hands had snapped back to her sides and her head was held high and defiant._ What is he doing here? _

_Why isn't he saying anything? _

"I was hoping to see you…"

"What?"

"I was there, at the unveiling, hoping to see you," he offered, and she could only stare back at him, unsure and uncertain of how to react.

"I can't get you out of my head, I think I've loved you since the moment I first saw you and I…" he let out a heavy exhale of breath, "Can I—Would it be alright if I came in?" he asked at last, his golden eyes brimming with the fear of rejection and the weight of his insecurity. That familiar vulnerable expression was on his face. The one so at odds with the picture of perfection and confidence that he displayed when working.

There was a funny clenching around her heart, a tight squeezing ache as she nodded. She stepped aside so that he could enter, her breath catching in her throat as his arm brushed hers on his way inside.

"Thank you," he whispered, and the relief and sincerity that were conveyed in those two words made her skin tingle with warmth.

A small, anxious smile crossed her lips as she closed the door to her apartment. The future was never something that could be perfectly planned out; change was always on the wind. All she had to do now was open her sails and let it guide her.

Ghosts be damned, they could take up residence with the skeletons in the closet, she had some living to do and a future still to be decided.

.

.

_Whatever I've got, I've got no reason to guard_

_What could I do but spend my best_

_And after waiting, fighting patiently on my knees_

_All the other stuff tired itself out first, not me_

_And in its wake appeared the touch and call of a different breed_

_One of the steps is getting wise and got me there and then got me_


End file.
